Coming back to dance after having a baby

Let's talk about coming back to dance after having a baby — or babies.

I want to share my personal experience as a mom of three (a four-year-old boy and fifteen-month-old twins, a boy and a girl) — my thoughts, my insights, what it has done to my dancing.

Motherhood changes everything. It turns your lifestyle, your priorities, your reactions, your thoughts upside down. From this point on, you don't belong to yourself anymore.

After my first baby, all my time went to the little one who needed me most in the universe. I used to be a multitasking, impatient girl, especially in the beginning. I wanted my dance body back as soon as possible. I wanted to validate my medical diploma in the US as soon as possible. I wanted to achieve, and achieve, and achieve. But the reality was different — no proper sleep (up to five hours awake a night), no naps during the day — and I crashed to zero energy.

My baby was crying almost every minute he wasn't asleep, those first two months, because of colic. I became really depressed. I could only find the energy to smile for him. So from my own experience, my advice is — don't be in a hurry. Slow down. Calm down. The most important thing in those first months is rest. Sleep whenever you can. Accept help. Ask for help. The more support you have, the better. I was lucky to have my husband solidly on my side. Parents can be a huge help too — although my own family is far from here.

Getting used to a new body was hard. I tried to do fitness almost every day, kept going out to social dances. But carrying heavy things — baby, car seat, stroller — combined with that rushed fitness, gave me back issues. I couldn't walk without pain for months. A good chiropractor and a regular stretching practice eventually saved my back, but it took a long time.

With my first baby I danced through pregnancy until the day of delivery. Physical activity has a lot of benefits for moms-to-be (assuming no health issues). But I would really recommend telling your partners that you're pregnant and asking them to be easy on you. Sometimes it isn't visible yet, and a leader can do something dangerous without meaning any harm at all. Be careful with that.

Dancing after delivery is also very different in those first months. You have to get used to a new body, weak muscles, slow reaction time (because you are always sleepy and tired), a balance that isn't quite there. I was also asking my partners to be easy on me because of my back. I went out social dancing for the first time after delivery when my baby was about three weeks old — and now I understand it was way too early. My mind wasn't fully on the floor with my partner. It was mostly at home, with the baby. With the twins, I couldn't dance during pregnancy at all, and my first dance back was at Wild Wild Westie 2021, when they were six months old.

I had set myself such high standards, and I felt depressed when I couldn't dance anywhere near them. Now I understand that it gets so much better with time — I just have to be patient, and to take small steps, regularly. And — don't compare yourself with others. You never know what someone went through. Everyone has their own challenges.

About dance conventions — my husband always tells me he will stay with the baby whenever I want to go to an event. But being sleepy, tired, pumping milk, in a different body — all of it makes the event very different from what I was used to. I went to one convention because it was in my city. By evening, when I needed to drive to the host hotel, I was thinking — oh my God, maybe I should just go to sleep. Why don't they do conventions in the morning? I spent only a couple of hours on the floor, but I appreciated every dance, every partner, every moment. The value of personal time shifts completely once you become a mother. I decided to wait a little longer before travelling to events again, because right now I want to enjoy my baby growing up, not miss his milestones, give him all the love he deserves.

All of this made me realise I needed to change my attitude toward life. I just couldn't survive in the race-of-achieving-goals-as-fast-as-possible mode anymore. And over time, my thinking shifted.

One of the main insights of motherhood was this: there is no need to hurry. About anything. Life. Dancing. Career. I used to be so stressed, nervous, anxious about being "on time" with my goals. I found my formula for happiness — being right now, right here, with all of me, in the moment. You can never be happy if your thoughts are always in the past or the future. Enjoy every little moment. Especially with the baby — it is so precious, and you cannot repeat it.

There is always something good in there, even when life feels too hard. Focus on the positive moments. Taking everything with humour makes it lighter. Trust that everything is happening for the best, even when you cannot see it yet.

Don't ask why this is so hard — ask what you can learn from it. I believe having babies is making me a better person. It is improving my time-management. It is teaching me to say no. It is making my priorities clear.

I think motherhood is teaching me the very qualities I always lacked as a WCS dancer. Every teacher used to tell me the same thing: "Maria, calm down. Be a follower from time to time. Learn to whisper in your dancing, not scream all the time. Be patient." So if I let motherhood feed my dance, I'm in good shape. I am beginning to understand that less is more. WCS is not solo dancing and showing off — it is being a good partner, working in a team, listening more than speaking. I really like my new calmness, my patience, the peace inside me. I hope I can carry it to the floor.

Being a mother does not mean giving up my dreams, my friend. It just means they will happen a little later — and that is totally fine.

P.S. My favourite life-hack for new moms — when the time feels right, get a membership at a fitness club with childcare. It is a beautiful way to find a couple of hours for yourself when you don't have a babysitter. You don't even have to work out. You can chill in the shower, the sauna, the pool. You can sleep in the changing room. You can drink coffee in silence while someone else takes care of your little one for an hour or two.